Baby steps to walking the path of positivity.

In the first 18 months of our lives we learn and develop in so many ways. We learn to feed, first milk and then to feed ourselves food with fingers and then cutlery. We learn to crawl and then walk. We learn to communicate through crying and then noises, laughter and smiles.

The way we do this is by trial and error. We learn to communicate by crying and seeing if mummy or daddy comes. Then if they don’t, we cry some more. We learn to feed by throwing much of it on the floor and in our hair and round our faces until we learn to get the food with a fork, into our mouths. We learn to walk by literally falling down and getting up on repeat until we take those first few baby steps across the room to the rapturous applause and cheers of our parents. Then we get up and do it again until we can walk further and further and with more and more confidence.

So what point as adults are we more likely to determine that if we don’t get it right first time that is it? We are entirely incapable of achieving the task and never will be.

When does our mind take control of our behaviours in that negative way and what is it that does this?

The answer is one thing. Our own brains and thinking process. The stories we tell ourselves. The conversations we have in our own head. The doubts, the “I can’t” the “it won’t work”, the “but what ifs”, the “see I told you so”. The barriers and limiting beliefs and thoughts, that we build up in front of our ability to succeed.

As a small baby or toddler there is generally no conscious thought of fear, risk, reward, doubt or what will people think of me. Granted mummy or daddy may be at the end of the room with a biscuit that we may want to eat, but this is not our sole driver for walking across the room.

We don’t weigh up the risks of those few steps. Will we fall? Will we be hurt or worse humiliated? We don’t think about how we look. Will it be videoed? Has mummy got the filter on? Does my bum look big in this nappy?

We don’t weigh up the consequences of failure. We don’t wonder if we don’t make the biscuit will there ever be another opportunity for the biscuit. Is it all or nothing with this biscuit? Make it across the room or crawl and go treat free forever.

We don’t as babies think about the possibility that we won’t make it. We actually just try. Then our bottoms hit the carpet and we get up and try again until we make it across the room.

So what is it that makes some of us unable to do that as adults? Why do some of us fall at the first step and stay down? Or worse still be so paralysed by fear that we never make it fully to the opportunities being on our feet would provide and crawl around never reaching our full potential.

What makes us convince ourselves that we only have one chance to get it right or that’s it, game over? What makes us feel that we will get it wrong and be judged or fear how we look trying? To fear the consequences to such an extent that we exaggerate the potential fallout and it’s likelihood. What makes us paralysed on our knees not getting up?

What stops us taking those baby steps, falling and getting up again? With a new way or new ideas or thinking or harder drive or more faith?

The answer. Our own heads. How we talk to ourselves. Our self talk.

The difference between us and the babies taking the steps is our own thoughts, fears, rationality, memories, experiences or limiting beliefs we have gained and stored.

As babies we just do it. We just get up and do it again and again. We don’t self doubt. We don’t self criticise. We don’t self punish. We just get up and do it. Again and again until success.

As babies we don’t worry who is watching us or liking us, in person or social media. We don’t worry about consequences of failing, cost or pride. We just get up and do it again and again until success.

As babies we don’t fear fall. We see happy mummy across the room and we go for it. We see a positive end result, mummy and a biscuit. We walk towards that vision with focus not paralysed by fear.

So how do we change? How do we remind ourselves to get up again when we fall?

The answer is we think about how we are speaking to ourselves. We hear what we are saying and how negative this is. We then try to take away all the restrictive thoughts. Imagine for a second you are that baby seeing his mummy across the room with a biscuit. What is your vision? What are you walking towards? Now see it very clearly and with focus. Try to blot out all the rest of the noise and thoughts.

Now imagine just being able to walk towards that vision. Just get up and walk. When you stumble you just get up and walk towards it again. Imagine how that feels with no doubt, no fear, no worry about consequences. No worry how you look or what may happen. Just walk slowly towards that vision.

Now you can see the clear path, let’s think about how it will feel when you get there. The positive outcome. The rapturous applause that baby gets when he gets to mummy. Think how you will feel when you walk there with no barrier, driven and focused. Until you reach success. How does that feel? Enjoy that feeling.

You can see the path, you know the result, you know how it feels to get there. So to achieve this we need to silence the negative noise and walk the path. If we fall we get up and walk it again.

This is not easy for many of us. We are so used to doing this by habit, but if you start identifying it this is the first step. The first baby step to that clear path and positive thinking and taking away and barriers and your own success at the end.

Stop that inner voice and you will move out of the way of your own success.